Worse Period of My Life

This is probably one of the worse periods of my life.
1) My mother screwed up yet again
2) The army screwed up with my rank and pay
3) Got into an arguement with my client and he now refuses to pay me
4) Exhausted my savings in trying to help my dad settle my mother’s debt
5) My dad tells me that he is unable to sponsor me for my further studies

It couldn’t have hit me harder. Here I was dreaming of studying in the States, but I forgot how unlucky I really am. I cry if I could. But I have no tears left, besides nothing will change the fact.

My brother often ridicules me by asking when I was going to study in the states. And everytime he asks me that, I would talk my way out of it. Because deep down I always had the gut feeling that it was dream that was not going to happen. I have always feared my dad was going to come up to me and say that he was not able to support me for my degree.

And when my father told me that I probably need to wait until the end of 2007 when he retires to pursue my degree I realized that I was burdening my dad with my ambition.

I know because he has always hinted me on going to a local university to study. But he knows that in my heart I always wanted to go aboard to study. I never been aboard and it was my only chance.

I guess it’s all making sense now. If this is the path I must take to realize my dream of becoming a film director then I am going to see it through. So what if I become a Film Director in my thirties, or maybe even in my forties, the thing is I still become a Film Director right?

I know I am merely consoling my self but what choice do I have. I wasn’t born with a sliver spoon. I went to school with a dollar in my pocket, never ate lunch, and worked hard for everything I have.

And I will be damned if I was going to have my dreams taken away from me. I deserve better and I know it. I am not going to bitch about it. I make things happen.

If I have to work and save money to sponsor for my own degree in Film, so be it. I promised myself that someday I will become a Film Director and by god I will get my degree and become a Film Director.

So till my next post ya, its bye from Ganz.

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