An Unexpected Letter

She wrote me a letter, an unexpected letter. One which says how much she needs me and why she cannot express herself to me. I understood her intention, for I am also a fool unable to express myself to her. She also wrote that she believed in my dreams, a dream which I chose to tell her because she spoke the truth. Now I keep this letter and read it everyday, hoping someday the words she wrote might come true.

But I feel I betray her love each passing day, for I am already in love with another woman. Not a day goes by, without me thinking of the woman I love. She has become my obsession, my Zahir. I long to see her, yet when we meet I do not have the courage to tell her how much I love her. But I know the woman I love is in love with another man. She seems lost without him and I lost without her. But my heart saddens for the woman who wrote me the letter, she deserves more.

I fear in my attempt to find love, I might lose both of them. I cannot even bring myself to decide between them. They are admirable women who deserve respect. Their faces haunt my sleep and torment my mind.

Love mocks me. It knows my secrets yet it plays me for a fool. I cannot help but love these women. I know love can be wonderful but I fear its ostensible purpose is to see me suffer. What have I done to deserve love?

This is a personal entry to remind me that I was in love again.

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