To Feel What the Heart Desired

She knew that to him the Lord was more important than anything that took place beneath the sky. She was aware that it was a dream impossible of fulfillment, for the man before her could go away at any moment, shed Jezebel’s blood, and never return to tell of what had happenend.

Even so, she would go on loving him, because for the first time in her life, she knew freedom. She could love him, even if he never knew; she did not need his permission to miss him, to think of him every moment of the day, to await him for the evening meal, and to worry about the plots that people could be weaving against the foreigner.

This was freedom: to feel what the heart desired, with no thought to the opinion of the rest. She had fought with her neighbors and her friends about the stranger’s presence in her house; there was no need to fight against herself.

An excerpt from ‘The Fifth Mountain’ by Paulo Coelho.

Upon first reading this excerpt above I realized that it mirrored my own resentments towards love. Although there is no plot against the person whom I admire, I feel I am in the same boat as the widow who is in love with the prophet.

I did not seek her permission to miss her and to think of her every moment of the day. I fell in love with her knowing very well that it could be an impossible love. But it doesn’t matter; I have the freedom to feel what my heart desires without the concern of others. To me this is my greatest joy and pain.

So till my next post ya, its bye from Ganz.

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