Without Doing Anything

There are some things I have to do tomorrow, and some things I finished doing yesterday, but today ...

Today I have absolutely nothing to concentrate my attention on.

That scares me: shouldn’t I be doing something? Well, if you want to invent work, you don’t need to make much effort – there are always projects to be developed, books that need to be read, rooms that need to be cleaned, computer files to be organized, and so on. But how about just facing a total void.

Why is it so difficult just to stay as I am right now, without doing anything?

A series of thoughts goes through my head: friends who worry about things that have not happened yet, people who know how to fill each minute of their lives with tasks that seem absurd to me, senseless conversations, long phone calls to say nothing of importance.

People who invent work to justify their jobs, People who are afraid because today they were given nothing important to do and that could mean that they are no longer any useful, mothers who torture themselves because the children have gone out, students who torture themselves over studies, tests, examinations.

I wage a long, difficult fight with myself not to get up and go to the stationary to buy the pen that is missing. The anguish is immense, but I’m determined to stay here without doing anything at least for a couple of hours. Little by little the anxiety gives way to contemplation and I begin to listen to my soul. It was dying to talk to me, but I’m always so busy.

I’m not doing anything, and I’m doing the most important thing in a man’s life: I’m listening to what I needed to hear from myself.

So till my next post ya, its bye from Ganz.

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