Living Routines

It’s been a long time since I felt passionate about anything. I haven’t watched television or visited the cinema in months. I have neglected all my video games and hardly even play soccer with my friends. I have also put a pause on some of my personal projects which nobody really cares about.

Nowadays I feel that I cannot get much out of my life. And my national service term suffices to add more misery into my life. You just can’t imagine how much it hurts to get up every morning and report to camp knowing that they took away your freedom.

I feel a sense of emptiness in my life. I don’t even have a hobby now. Every where I look I see people around me as living routines rather than lives. They seem to do things not for their own pleasures but for the sake of others.

I am convinced life will not get any better for me anytime soon and the thought of my life being a waste is starting to get to me. It is my worst fear to realize that I have lived an empty life; I cannot go to my grave with such remorseful thought. That is why I still purse on given all the depression around me but i feel that the fire in me is starting to diminish.

If only I had nothing to loose and then I can do what I want, say what I want and be who I want without having to worry about what others think of me. But I know that it is not possible for me. Even now I don’t even have the heart to write bad remarks on the people I supposedly have to hate even though they will never find and read my blog.

Maybe it’s the way my parents brought me up. They told me never to drink, smoke and do the things that would bring them shame. I don’t even go clubbing thus I don’t even know if I can dance but I do know I can’t sing even if my life depended on it.

I know better than to indulge myself in wasteful activities. Most people will justify their actions but I have reached a point in my life and no longer need to seek an approval for the things I do. I am simply living my life because I still have faith that I can one day I will achieve my dream.

So till my next post ya, its bye from Ganz.

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